~dobzza

If the world is an open book then you could say I'm having trouble turning the pages. Story of my life. It seems I am fixated with the incomplete. Around about now is the time I should be making the decision to go off on a quest to "find myself" only I already have this idea of completeness burned into my brain. I don't want to spend my time being afraid, yet I fear being complacent. Sometimes the simple act of living can be so daunting. Daunting or not, action or inaction, the wheel turns. I guess I should be thankful, and I am for a lot of things, but sometimes I'm so overly aware of imposing restrictions on myself that I become my own self limiting belief. I'm spiraling but I don't know where to.

Tonight I caught up with a childhood friend. His mum was there and she talked to me about the golden ratio, read poetry and shared some beliefs with us. If you were to have asked me 12 hours ago how I would have felt to find my thoughts reflected through the eyes of another I would have told you I'd be ecstatic; a part of me does rejoice. But I also find myself teetering precariously on the point of balance.
I can quite easily lose myself inside my head, staring out at the world from my very own lens. I like the angle here and i know everybody. I wonder if I need to find some middle ground?
Currently my dilemma is this: Is there really a natural affinity towards balance in the universe? And if so, what does that mean for ideals? What use are they if they are an extreme? If I am the only person I can definitively change then I will surely follow my ideals and beliefs, thus making them possible, but.. in the end...
Clearly this is a question that deserves a lot more thought and writing, but in keeping with my current attitude my body is sending my signals.
It is 5 o'clock in the morning so perhaps for now the most fitting answer will be for me to leave this question and to dream.